"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."
- C.S. Lewis - A Grief Observed
Grieving as a Dad can sometimes be lonely. You may feel like the only time you can let your emotions out is when you are alone, because you feel like you need to be "strong" when you are around everyone else. There are certainly times when your spouse may need you to be collected, clear headed, and a rock to prop up against, but you do not have to be that way every minute of every day. It is okay to be emotional, upset, vulnerable, even hysterical. You will process your grief in your own time, so do not try to fit your grief into any other mold.
Talk to your spouse, family and close friends. Let them know if you are feeling particularly down on a certain day. You are entitled to have your emotional days, and you will probably find that your spouse, family and friends are more comforted and relieved to see the emotional side of you than you thought. Expressing your grief may help you connect with those closest to you.
Do not neglect your health. The advice to not use alcohol or drugs as a crutch is probably obvious, but also do not forget the benefits of sleep, healthy eating, and regular exercise. You don't have to go on a bodybuilding training regimine, but do pay attention to your sleep patterns and try to at least get a walk or two in each week. It's hard to support others when you haven't taken care of yourself.
Speaking of supporting others, as far as other things you can do to support your spouse, understand that every person grieves differently. You may not always have the same emotions on the same days, and that is okay. The best thing you can do for your spouse is to listen; in fact sometimes your significant other may not need you to say anything at all. Sometimes just being in the room, locking eyes and holding hands is enough. Expect emotional swings from your partner as well as yourself and above all, have grace and forgiveness with each other.
Just as everyone's grief journey is different, so are the ways a grieving parent can remember and honor their baby. Your special remembrance for your baby might be as simple as lighting a candle, releasing balloons, or even holding a birthday party. As the days and years go on, how you remember, honor and celebrate your baby might change, and that's okay too. We have put together suggestions we pray help you and your family remember/ honor your little one. We pray you find comfort, love and healing as you find your own special way to remember and honor your baby.
Celebrate & Remember
Experiencing the passing of your child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death is a trauma. Many of us have utilized counselors, pastors, and other mental health services to support us along the grief journey. Please seek out support.
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As we work together to raise awareness for pregnancy and infant loss, we also want to share some important dates throughout the year that are recognized by so many of us in the bereavement community.
